Only in America… are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America… do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America… do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
Only in America… do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America… do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America… do they use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won’t miss a call from someone they didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America… do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America… do they use the word “politics” to describe the process so well; “Poli” in Latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
Only in America… do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.
I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it.
Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink.
“Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”